I Tried Every Single Flavor of Mountain Dew on the Market – Part 2

(Note: This piece turned out to be waaaaay longer than expected, so I split it into two parts. This contains just the results. If you want to learn why I decided to do this insane thing to myself, click here.)

December 2017 update: So there’s a new Mountain Dew flavor on the market – Holiday Brew. It’s a mix of Mountain Dew and Code Red and it’s magic in a can… I give it a 9/9 rating.

Bet you didn’t think you’d be reading a science experiment today, did you?

THE TASTING

We kicked things off with the Kickstarts. (Not even sorry.) Half of them contain coconut water or vitamins or something, so at least we could pretend we weren’t destroying our bodies at the beginning.

Mountain Dew Kickstart collection

KICKSTART FLAVORS

Overall ratings, all flavors combined: 3.93/9

Overall thoughts: These would all be good mixers as they’re very fruity, and we all have very strong, very negative opinions about the flavor mango in general.

Notes, from best to worst:

Kickstart Recharge Blood Orange – 5.25/9
Tester A: “I like it, I want more fizz” (these aren’t technically supposed to be fizzy, so we’ll let that pass)
Tester B: “It smells like Orange Triaminic”
Tester C: “It’s a little like orange Fanta”

Kickstart Recharge Blueberry Pomegranate – 4.75/9
A: “It smells blue”
B: “All of these so far taste like fruit punch or pineapple”

Kickstart Black Cherry – 4.75/9
A: “This smells pink”
B: “It smells orange-yellow; it tastes like lime, it tastes rich”
C: “I like it, I feel buzzed” (only 3 drinks in, this was a worrying comment)
B: Refills her cup with another sample. “We all knew I was going to go hard on this.”

Kickstart Midnight Grape – 4.5/9
A: “This is grape”
B: “It tastes like grape Fanta”
C: “This is very sweet, it tastes like grape Kool-Aid… It smells like something from my childhood”

Kickstart Orange Citrus – 4.41/9
A: “I like it okay, but I like it when they have more fizz” (okay, chill, we’ll get fizz in the next round)
B: “It somehow smells sweet and purple – I like it, but I don’t”
C: “The initial flavor is good and sweet like cherries or grapes, but then it’s not good”

Kickstart Fruit Punch – 4.25/9
A: “It smells weird”
B: “It smells yellow” (this is the 2nd time this tester said something “smelled yellow”)
C: “It’s like a really sugary fruit punch Starburst”

Kickstart Hydrating Boost Watermelon – 3/9
A: “Smells weird and the aftertaste is awful”
B: “Smells like Sour Skittles… It’s yellow” (no it’s not, calm down)
C: “Ew”
A: “Seriously, what does this smell like?”
C: “Victory.”

Kickstart Mango Lime – 2.5/9
A: “It’s better than the other mango”
B: Makes a face at the smell. “This is genuinely bad. This tastes like mango and I hate mango”
C: “It’s gross… Wait, it’s not bad if you just shoot it” (we start to worry this girl is sneaking something else into her samples)
B: “I am guessing the color of this does not match the can, like when you peel the skin off humans.” (…. welp, that’s serial killer talk)

Kickstart Hydrating Boost Pineapple Orange Mango – 2/9
A: “It smells like soap”
B: “This smells like a shoe. Wait, this is the mango one isn’t it, I hate mango, I didn’t want to try this one”
C: “Be a big girl and drink it” (okay, there’s definitely something in her samples)

Mountain Dew craft flavors

CRAFT FLAVORS

Overall ratings, all flavors combined: 6.7/9

Overall thoughts: Pretty good, but definitely more expensive than normal Mountain Dew. Also, the sugar level for the black flavor was OFF THE CHARTS more than the other two.

Notes, from best to worst:

Mountain Dew White Label (with tropical citrus) – 7/9
A: “Smells like fruit punch”
B: “This is the green one… It tastes like jacked-up Mountain Dew”
C: “It’s not as sweet as the others.”
B: “It’s like Mountain Dew, but more neon green… it’s what the Joker would drink.” (Alright, it’s not the green one, get over it)

Mountain Dew Black Label (with dark berry) – 6.75/9
A: “It tastes like white lightning”
B: “It smells like yellow… It’s a little like Mike’s Hard Lemonade, it’s lemony without the malt” (okay, the yellow thing is getting out of hand)
C: “More citrusy than Mountain Dew”

Mountain Dew Green Label (with green apple kiwi) – 6.25/9
A: “It smells like fruit punch, it’s got too much going on”
B: “This is the white one” (wrong again)
C: “There are more flavors, it’s sweeter than the other two”
A: “I don’t like the smell of this” (okay, she complained about the smell of every single drink)

Mountain Dew Spiked Drinks

SPIKED FLAVORS

Overall ratings, all flavors combined: 7.13/9

Overall thoughts: These were our favorite “variety” of Mountain Dew. They could be standalone drinks or mixers with some type of liquor.

Notes, from best to worst:

Mountain Dew Spiked Lemonade (with prickly pear cactus juice) – 7.25/9
A: “This is lemony, more lemony than raspberry”
B: “This is very sweet, I like this, it’s like a lemon drop”
C: “I can get the lemonade essence”

Mountain Dew Spiked Raspberry Lemonade (with prickly pear cactus juice) – 7/9
A: “This is like if Mountain Dew made lemonade fruit punch bubble gum”
B: “It smells sweet but I don’t like the aftertaste”
C: “This is the most Mountain Dew I have ever had in my life” (at this, tester C drops out of the testing and starts mixing herself a drink.)

Mountain Dew flavor bottles

MOUNTAIN DEW FLAVORS

Overall ratings, all flavors combined: 6.18/9

Overall thoughts: The overall rating of this is kind of skewed; most of these are delicious but a handful just yanked the rating way down.

Notes, from best to worst:

Mountain Dew – 9.5/9
A: “Nine. It’s Mountain Dew”
B: “I know this scale is out of 9, but this is the real one, so give it a 10”

White Out – 8/9
A: “It tastes like Mountain Dew, but a faded out Mountain Dew.. It’s the first flavor we’ve tasted that actually tastes like Mountain Dew. It’s sweet but not too sweet.”
B: “I could drink a whole bottle of this. This might be Mountain Dew? No, this is white.”

Code Red – 8/9
A: “Oh, this is Code Red. 7.”
B: “Yeah, Code Red. It’s a 9.”

Pitch Black 6.75/9
A: “I would not describe this as Mountain Dew. It’s grape. Sweet but not as sweet as the rest.”
B: “I think this is Pitch Black. It tastes a little purple.” (For the last time, YOU CAN’T TASTE COLOR.)

Livewire – 6.75/9
A: “This is okay. It’s the orange one, but it does not taste like Orange Triaminic.”
B: “I really like this one. It’s like orange Fanta.”

Diet Mountain Dew – 5.75/9
A: “It’s Diet Mountain Dew.”
B: “Tastes like a bastardized version of Mountain Dew cause it’s not as awesome as Mountain Dew is.”
A: “This is not the worst diet I’ve ever tasted… The roof of my mouth is starting to burn.”

Voltage – 4.75/9
A: “I don’t like it, it’s blue. It’s too blue.”
B: “There are too many strong flavors that are not citrusy.”

Dew-S-A – 3.375/9
B: “Ew, no.”
A: “It does not taste good.”
B: “This is Dew S. A., isn’t it.”

Game Fuel – 2.75/9
A: “Don’t love it. It does not taste like Mountain Dew at all.”
B: “This is Game Fuel. It’s too orangey.”
A: “There’s a lot going on.”
B: “Terrible”
A: “I feel like I should be injecting this instead of drinking it.”

Mountain Dew colors

FINDINGS

  1. Flavors that taste like the original Mountain Dew are the best. We discovered that the best Mountain Dew varieties are ones that taste like Mountain Dew, then the ones with strong citrus notes, then the ones that taste like fruit punch… Then everything else is at the bottom.
  2. This much sugar REALLY messes with your taste buds. The final sample I was given to taste was VILE. I said it was “bitter, tasted like black licorice, and absolutely disgusting.” My friends started cracking up and I took of my blindfold to discover that it was Coca-Cola.  I LOVE Coca-Cola. I was heartbroken and wracked with guilt over the words I had said about my beloved Coke. But that’s how much the TWENTY FOUR FREAKING FLAVORS OF SUGAR WATER messed with me.
  3. If you combine a bunch of flavors, mango will ruin everything. At the end of the testing, we poured a little of every single thing into a glass and drank it. It was not disgusting, actually, it just kind of tasted like another wacky flavor… Until you hit that mango aftertaste and it RUINED EVERYTHING.
Mountain Dew Mix
BEHOLD: Every single flavor of Mountain Dew mixed together. Bon appetite!

OVERALL RANKINGS

Mountain Dew – 9.5/9
[Dec. ’17 UPDATE: Holiday Brew: 9/9]
White Out – 8/9
Code Red – 8/9
Mountain Dew Spiked Lemonade – 7.25/9
Mountain Dew Spiked Raspberry Lemonade – 7/9
Mountain Dew White Label – 7/9
Pitch Black 6.75/9
Livewire – 6.75/9
Mountain Dew Black Label – 6.75/9
Mountain Dew Green Label – 6.25/9
Diet Mountain Dew – 5.75/9
Kickstart Recharge Blood Orange – 5.25/9
Voltage – 4.75/9
Kickstart Recharge Blueberry Pomegranate – 4.75/9
Kickstart Black Cherry – 4.75/9
Kickstart Midnight Grape – 4.5/9
Kickstart Orange Citrus – 4.41/9
Kickstart Fruit Punch – 4.25/9
Kickstart Hydrating Boost Watermelon – 3/9
Dew-S-A – 3.375/9
Game Fuel – 2.75/9
Kickstart Mango Lime – 2.5/9
Kickstart Hydrating Boost Pineapple Orange Mango – 2/9

I hope you enjoyed reading this. I’m going to go drink some water now… Oh, no. Water tastes weird now. This may be a problem… *Googles “can taste buds be permanently ruined”

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